Day by Day

Christmas 2009

2010-01-02T13:26:00.001-08:00

Here are a few pictures taken in the past month. I have been a horrible blogger and I will try to do better this year!

We got 8 inches of snow Christmas Eve! We had our first blizzard in a long time here in Tulsa. A white Christmas it was and still is.... temps have been in the 20's this week so we STILL have snow on the ground and are expecting more tonight!

Noah and Baileyanne shoveling Grandpa's driveway Christmas Day. We came home and they helped shovel ours too!

Baby Sydney got wrapping paper for Christmas.... no complaints! We did get her a few things though she didn't even notice.

Baileyanne and her American Girl Doll... Grandma went to Chicago and got her matching nightgowns.

Noah made a haul this year! We get each kid three presents because Jesus got three gifts and then they also get one from my folks. He was one happy kid! He liked his Nerf Blaster (Daddy did) the most!

Long time...No Blog

2009-09-14T12:50:00.000-07:00

Y'all visit this blog more than I do! Thank you for having faith when I don't! Not much really has been going on around here.

Sydney went for her 4 months shots today. She is a whopping 16 lbs, 26 inches long which puts her in the 95th percentile for both height and weight. That kid knows how to eat! She also knows how to get up EVERY morning at 4:15 am and roll over and start playing and talking , and talking, and talking... real sweet, yah, not so sweet at 4:15 in the morning! I can't complain. I go in her room, roll her over back on her tummy and she goes right back to sleep...,most of the time. She really is a good baby. She sleeps from 7:30 til 7 which is nice for a 4 month old!

Baileyanne spent the night at Granny's last weekend and apparently she didn't want to take a bath so she went into the bathroom and wet her hair and then proceeded to ask Granny if she could blow dry it. That kid... is a mess. She is our mess and we are very proud of her. Now if only I could get her to do that at OUR house!

Build a Bear, Bumbos, and Milestones!

2009-08-29T11:28:00.000-07:00

Here are some recent pics taken the past two weeks. I went back to work this week and I am still adjusting to having three kiddos and working part time. I wouldn't change my life for anything right now. Baileyanne is doing AWESOME at school and let Granny use the hairdryer on her hair for the first time in her life. Folks, THIS IS HUGE! She is no longer afraid of the vaccum, the blender, the mixer, the hairdryer, or the lawn mower. We have come SO far! I got tears in my eyes when Granny called last night to tell me that Baileyanne let her dry her hair! She is becoming more and more confident as she grows. We are VERY proud of her and how far we all have come.

We took the kids to Build a Bear for the first.... and last time. That place is not cheap! They had fun making their new friends. They didn't want to leave. Baileyanne did great accept when they went to stuff her kitty, the machine scared her quite a bit. A little bit of redirection and she was fine. Sydney also rolled over this week for the first time! She will be 4 months on the 11th. I can't believe how fast the summer went by! Exciting things happening at the Duncan house!

Dan reading to the kids before bed.

Tummy Time

Smiling at Daddy

First time in the Bumbo Seat

Watching Mommy get ready in the morning.

Watching mommy make cookies on the kitchen counter

Watching Dora! LOVES the TV.... probably a little too much!

The kids enjoying some Gelato at the food court in the mall

They were so proud to carry their new friends through the mall.

Baileyanne and her new Cinderella Kitty

Noah picked out a Batman outfit for his bear.

On our way out!

Noah giving his bear a bath

Baileyanne brushing her new kitty

First Day of School

2009-08-12T16:13:00.000-07:00

Today was the first day of school. I can't believe I have a kindergardner and a third grader! I was ready for them to go back to school. I think that we were all ready to get back into a routine around here! This time last year, I dropped both kiddos off at school and went to Target BY MYSELF... this year, I dropped both kiddos off and went to Target with Baby Sydney. Things have changed a lot since last year though we are adjusting and enjoying what God has in store... with a third kiddo! Here are a few pictures from the past few days.

Baileyanne being "Big Sister" She just LOVES her Baby Sydney!

Why is it that we love our children so much more when they are asleep?!? :o)

Baby Sydney LOVES her bath!

Not too sure about this thing!

The kids thought that it would be fun to put Baby Sydney in the doll stroller. They pushed her around the house a few times and lost interest.

Daddy walking the kids into school

First Day of school picture on our porch

Her Inner Voice

2009-08-07T18:43:00.000-07:00

Follow the link below to read an AMAZING story about an 11 year old Autistic child that has been locked inside her own body for 11 years and now shares with her family and friends her true emotions and feelings by using a computer and physical actions. This was on the ABC news this evening. Both Dan and I thought this was very intriging. I always wonder what Baileyanne is feeling and what she wants to tell us, though can't express herself. We are getting there, though slowly she is learning to talk.

http://abcnews.go.com/2020/MindMoodNews/story?id=8258204&page=1

Three Months Old

2009-08-04T08:06:00.000-07:00

Sydney Grace is three months old already! I can't believe how fast the time has gone. She is really developing a personality. She loves to eat and is sleeping through the night!

11 hours at night... on her tummy.

Our little Love Bug

All smiles...

Our sweet little girl.... looks both like her brother and her sister at that age.

He DOES give us more...

2009-08-04T06:27:00.000-07:00

This was written from a friend of our family. Her son is in ICU at St. Francis Children's Hospital here in Tulsa and I have been following her blog. IT IS ALL TOO FAMILIAR to us, hearing this year after year after Baileyanne was diagnosed with Autism. This really made me think about what we have been through and where we are today. Please pray for Baby Issac.

Myth: “God won’t give you more than you can handle.”

I’ve heard this many times lately. And at the risk of offending someone who has said it, I am going to tell you all to stop saying this to anyone who is living what we are living. Because it is false – scripturally inaccurate – and competely untrue in our situation“God won’t give you more than you can handle.” comes from this verse: ”No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13).

Notice, this has to do with temptation. God is faithful to help us make right choices when we are tempted to make wrong ones. Every time. Yes, He is.HOWEVER, this verse doesn’t apply to our circumstances because we aren’t being tempted at all, and this situation wasn’t caused by our sin. Isaac is fearfully and wonderfully made DIFFERENTLY in order to fulfill God’s purpose for his life in a way that he otherwise couldn’t. God knows the number of Isaac’s days, and Isaac’s purpose will be accomplished before they are over. Just like Danny taught the world that “God is sovereign and faithful” in five and a half years with a beautiful smile and no words at all.I know most people who have said this to us don’t mean it this way, but “God won’t give you more than you can handle” sounds like we are expected to handle all of this in our own strength and that if we cry, get angry,or rely on others, we have failed.

The truth for our situation is not found in 1 Corinthians 10:13. Instead it’s found in Philippians 4:“11 Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.12 I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.13 I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”

These verses say that sometimes our circumstances do stink. Things can be fantastic, or they can be terrible. But we choose our reaction to our situation. We can choose to be content – knowing that we can’t handle it, but God is in control and that He will be faithful to care and provide for us. We can let Christ strengthen us to do what He has allowed to come before us. Our strength rests in He who created the heavens and the earth. When we are weak, He makes us strong. When we are tired, He strengthens us. And when we can’t go any further, He carries us.

It is true that He DOES gives us more than we can handle so that He can handle it for us.

Eights

2009-07-30T17:15:00.000-07:00

8 Things I look Forward to:

Going back to work... call me a loser! (I miss the kiddos)
My baby girl learning how to walk!
Moving closer to my folks someday in South Tulsa
Baileyanne graduating out of special ed... I believe the day will come!
The kiddos going back to school in two weeks!
Getting back into my size 6 shorts!
Getting closer to God day by day
Being a more positive person and not complaining so much... I am learning.

8 Things I did Yesterday:

Went to Target with three kids
Took the kids swimming at a friend's house... started raining and we had to get out.
Took the kids to the Raddison Hotel to swim where my folks are staying while their house is being sprayed
Folded 3 loads of laundry
Cleaned out Noah's closet
Organized school clothes
Went to bed early... nothing on TV
Got haircuts with the kids

8 Things I wish that I could do:

Lose this baby weight before I go back to work!
Be more patient with the kids
Love my Autistic daughter more
Go on a cruise for our 10th anniversary in March... we'll see
Keep my house clean
Have a daily quiet time
Not be so anal about a clean house and spend more time with my kids
Not stress about money... and trust God and KNOW that He is in control!

8 shows I watch:

The news when I get a minute
Grey's Anatomy
The Bachelor
The Bachelorette
Desperate Housewives
Deliver Me: Home Edition
The Amazing Race
The Today Show (have always had a crush on Matt Lauer)

I am tagging:

Beth
Jessica
Kathy
Kerri

Baileyanne Update

2009-07-10T08:21:00.000-07:00

My baby turned 8 last week and we are SO proud of how far she has come! When she was diagnosed with Autism, there were MANY things that we thought she would NEVER do... get dressed by herself, talk, read, play with other children, tell us that she loves us... list goes on. We have been SO blessed with her progress and we are SO proud of our little girl. Today, she swam half way across the pool during swim lessons. Two years ago, she wouldn't even get IN the pool. Everytime she got wet, she would strip every item of clothing off, including her bathing suit. I remember sitting at the pool crying one day because all I wanted was for her to get IN the pool. She requested a Cinderella birthday party and with no hesitation, we celebrated Princess Baileyanne turning eight. She LOVED reading all of her birthday cards and was SO excited when she opened her new princess castle.

Baileyanne is not the only one that has come thus far. In the past year, I have truly "learned" to love my daughter. She brings tears to our eyes everytime she does something new. For many parents, milestones are not a huge deal... though with Baileyanne, we celebrate everytime she accomplishes something new. She is our rock and she has made us very proud. I am not ashamed of having an Autistic child anymore and have learned that she is ours and God has trusted us with her for many reasons. I love you Baileyanne. Happy Birthday Pretty Girl!

Princess Baileyanne

Cinderella Cake

(we got it at Reasors for $21. Merritts Bakery wanted to charge us $65.
They did a FANTASTIC job!)

"His name is Henry, He's a nice horse"... and other pics from our busy week!

2009-06-23T14:54:00.000-07:00

I was changing sheets on the kid's beds and in between rooms, this is what I came back to. I went to check on Baby Sydney and apparently her big sister was "playing" with her. She moved her twice without her waking up. She said that she was "taking a nap"

Gotta love all of the sweet sleeping pics. I tell ya, someone is getting some sleep around here, and it's not me!

We took Baileyanne for her first horse riding lesson. She did great! She LOVED Henry the horse and did not want to get off! We will be doing this once a month in South Tulsa. There are stables that cater to Autistic children. There is research that physical therapy with horses and Autistic children is VERY beneficial for their physical and emotional development. They have special connections with these children and it is amazing to watch!

We went to a Autism Family Fun night put on by the Autism Foundation of Tulsa at a local pool/splashpark. I forgot my camera though here are a few pictures that I took BEFORE we left. No, Baby Sydney didn't swim though we had to dress her up in her bathing suit!

Baileyanne playing Candyland with the "girls"

Another week in pics!

2009-06-15T15:22:00.000-07:00

We had VBS last week and we finally started swimming lessons. The kids have been EXHAUSTED! So have I! Here are a few pictures that were taken last week. Sydney is now 5 weeks old. Time flies!

I am slowly getting used to these darn bows mommy keeps sticking on my head!

Look, I can hold my own bottle@

Noah has been taking ALL of the couch cushions off the couch and making a "bridge" He conked out one day after VBS. That night he didn't go to bed until almost 10! NO MORE NAPS!

Dan has been putting Sydney in the tub with him and Noah. she LOVES it!

bath time with mommy in the sink

Noah earning a dollar by "helping" mommy vaccum.

we made playdough this week.... all over the table!

Yes, my daughter sleeps on the dryer! this is one of the only ways we have been able to get her to go to sleep! nice, huh?

pretty girls

Getting ready for our 4th of July pics

fast asleep... must be nice! someone is getting some sleep around here!

Our week in pictures

2009-06-03T08:10:00.000-07:00

This has been a crazy week. My brother flew in from CA to meet Sydney and come to Noah's birthday party. He was here two days and it was a whirlwind. He is gone now and we have officially started our summer vacation. We have gone to the library and have gone out to lunch with Daddy. Not too much with a fussy infant to boot. We are going to Louisana in a month and I am really looking forward to getting out of here. Sydney is three weeks old and is still getting up every two to three hours at night. It makes for a LONG night. Baileyanne is doing okay. It has been an adjustment not being at school everyday. She is doing great on her new meds and is falling asleep a lot earlier each night and getting up a lot easier each morning. Being out of routine has been hard and adjusting to a new baby has been even harder though we are coping.... getting by, day by day.

Sydney's first time in her new stroller. Dan took all three kids to the park for me. That lasted a whole 20 minutes. Obviously, she was NOT happy!

Noah got a slip and slide for his birthday. The kids had a great time TRYING to slide. Keyword: TRYING.

All dressed up and nowhere to go.

Noah's birthday party at McDonald's. Yes, I made his cake, and one word of advice: don't tell your child that you will make his cake two weeks after his sister is born!

My brother, aka: Uncle Danny came to town from CA to meet his new niece.

Our Hotwheels Speed Racer Cake

They grow SO fast!

2009-05-25T07:40:00.000-07:00

Sydney Grace is growing SO fast! she will be two weeks tomorrow and I can't believe how fast the time has gone! Here are some recent pics of the last week or so. Third kid... doesn't get her picture taken as much!

She loves the swing!

A new friend

what a sweet little girl

Okay, Mom... I am not digging these bows one bit!

I do like my binky though... when you can get it to stay in my mouth!

Wide awake... yes, at 3:15 in the morning!

Happy after her first bath

Emotionally Drained

2009-05-23T13:40:00.000-07:00

We had Baileyanne's developmental pediatrician appointment this week. We only go twice a year for a checkup and every time, I am anxious and full of anxiety, worried about what he will tell us. This time was no exception.

He observed her for about 20 minutes, asking her different questions, and to perform different tasks. She wrote her name on the chalkboard and drew a picture of herself. She labeled the picture princess Bailey. what a ham! He then asked how she was doing in school and we talked a little bit about that.

We then had the opportunity to ask him some questions. We asked him about her episodes of biting on the wall each night in order for her to fall asleep. She stopped this for a long time though just started up again about a month ago. She also chews on our footboard while watching videos in our bedroom. We got to talking about this and the doctor told us that she has NO idea that she is doing this. He pulled out his handy little diagram of the brain and explained to us that there is a part of the brain in an Autistic child (one of the lower portions - can't remember what is is called) that is numb and not fully developed, therefore she does not know and does not understand what she is doing is wrong. She is unaware of what she is doing when she is doing it..... so, when she is in bed at night, while trying to fall asleep, she is unaware while biting through the sheetrock. This was VERY hard for me to grasp. You mean she has NO idea that she is biting the wall I asked. The doctor explained to us that her brain is focused on one thing, though is doing another..... so, all of this time, we have been punishing her for biting the wall. I asked him if there was ANY way that we could train her and make her understand what she is doing is wrong and he told us no. I disagree. I know that he is the doctor though I truly believe that she can learn that what she is doing is inappropriate. Do you mean that when she is on the playground at school and puts a whole mouthful of sand in her mouth and starts chewing it, she has NO inclination what she is doing?!?! We had more bloodwork done to test again for PICA. we did this several years ago though he wanted to followup this visit. what an ordeal that was! she got blood all over her t-shirt and would not sit still. I got a little distraught and tried to keep my mouth shut during the whole conversation... anyway.... the whole biting on the wall led us to another discussion. He then asked us what time she goes to bed and how long this whole biting thing is occuring everynight. we told him what time we put her down and what time she actually falls asleep each night. she plays in her bed and then ends up knawing her way to sleep each night. He told us that she is not getting enough sleep at night and that needed to change. She usually sleeps from about 9:30 - 7:15. we wake her up each morning and it is like waking a bear from hibernation, almost impossible. I thought that 9 hours was plenty for a 7 year old. The doctor seemed to disagree. we are now on a new med called Clonidine. A Blood Presure medication used with Autistic children to help them sleep at night, in turn they are less stimulated during the day and able to focus more at school, etc. I am not at peace about this. Dan wanted to try it and it seems to be working. I went in last night to tuck her in and she was out. we are drugging our daughter and I hate that! It kills me to know that we are medicating her to help her sleep better at night. I am going to give it a few weeks and pray about it. I just don't feel good about it. When he said blood pressure medication, my heart just dropped. she is already on the Luvox which is working wonders though to add one more thing to her tiny little body makes me cringe. Anyway... please pray for us, for me that I can trust that what we are doing is right and also, trust the doctor and his advice.

Warning! Lots O' Pics!

2009-05-14T07:20:00.000-07:00

Baby Sydney Grace was born Monday, May 11th at 10:42 am weighing 7 lbs, 10 oz and measuring 20 1/2 inches long. Labor went incredibly fast and Sydney Grace was pushed out within minutes of the doctor's arrival. We are doing well. She likes to eat and loves her new big brother and sister!

All packed up and ready to leave the hospital

Sleeping like a baby.... should!

Daddy's girls

sweet angel... all pacified

Proud Big Brother and Big Sister

Grandpa Grossman

Grandma Grossman

Baileyanne and Sydney Grace

Proud Big Brother Noah

Granny Duncan

Hey, who just gave birth?!?

Two minutes after baby was born

Sydney had to stay under the warmer for about three hours after she was born to

get her temp up to normal.

Not much to report...

2009-05-02T07:42:00.000-07:00

Okay, I have been a HORRIBLE blogger! NO excuses! I have not been motivated to do ANYTHING! I did a whole lot of NOTHING ALL day yesterday and felt extremely guilty for it! I nested a few weeks ago and swore this baby was coming early... no such luck! I have been dilated to a 1 and a half for 2 weeks now and NOTHING, NOTHING more! I am SO ready for this baby to come! Here are a few pics that have been taken in the past two weeks. Baileyanne has been an angel lately.... I am praying that it stay that way when baby comes! Hopefully, next post, there will be a picture of our new baby girl!

We flipped Baileyanne's hair up instead of curling it under last week.

she looks five years older I think!

Noah was acting like a baby so we put him in the crib.

He is pretending to be asleep.

Baileyanne thought that she wanted to be prego like her mommy!
That lasted a whole 2 minutes.

Noah playing in the tub

siblings.... yes, we still bathe them together. Saves time and water!

Now all we need is the baby!

2009-04-10T15:10:00.001-07:00

Many have asked to see Baby Sydney's nursery. I was waiting for my mom to finish the bedding to post pictures. I found the bumper at Pottery Barn Kids and then she made the matching valance, bedskirt, and curtains for the french doors. Very simple... nothing fancy. No theme this time around, just pinks, yellows, and sage green. I am happy with the way that things turned out considering we started from scratch. We gutted the office, new paint and carpet back in January and we found the crib on Craigs List. We bought a new piece of furniture with each paycheck for the past few months. God has provided through SO many people. We have been SO blessed. People just keep giving us stuff which has been such a HUGE blessing! I have had three showers and we are set to go... counting down the weeks

that our new little blessing will arrive!

Sydney's Crib

I admit I have bought a few things though the rest have been gifts!

Changing Table

Dresser we found at Walmart

Rocking Chair and Crib

Playdough Babies from my Sunday School shower

Some of the spread at the shower my folks gave us

Opening gifts at one of my showers

Spring has Sprung!

2009-03-23T14:38:00.001-07:00

We have actually had some nice days here in OK! The weather was great and the kids had a great time over Spring Break. I think we did a little too much though we had a good time. We went to the Science Museum in OK City, the aquarium here in Tulsa, the Tulsa zoo, the park and Pump It Up. I am beat and was so ready for them to go back to school today! Dan took a few days off and we had some good family time. The pictures above were taken yesterday at Utica Square. The tulips are out every year and are gorgeous!

Our current battle...

2009-03-18T06:18:00.000-07:00

It has been forever since I have posted... sorry! Things have been crazy around here and I have not felt like blogging. no excuses... just 8 months pregnant and exhausted! 7 more weeks... I'm not counting though! 50 days..... who's counting?
Baileyanne has been putting EVERYTHING in her mouth! It has been a constant battle on both of our parts. Last Spring, we bought her a brand new white picket fence bed. GORGEOUS little bed that was perfect for her. well, we noticed some teeth marks... thought nothing of it until we noticed the SAME thing on her bookshelf that Dan made for her when she was born. We moved the bookshelf into her closet because she had chewed it up so bad it looked horrible... well, two weeks later, she was still knawing on her bed, so we moved the bed into the garage. I loved that bed though we needed her to stop chewing on the wood. The bed went in to the garage and the bookshelf went into the closet.... Two weeks later, I was making her bed and I noticed some teeth marks ON THE WALL! She had been biting the wall! She knawed through the paint down to the sheetrock. We talked to her doctor and had her tested for Pica... the disorder where children are iron deficient and crave things like paint and dirt, etc. She tested negative and the doctor told us that she was exhibting this behavior as a coping mechanism to get to sleep at night. Knawing on the bed and sheetrock was not okay... not in my house. In recent weeks, this has become a problem again and I don't know to do to stop it. It is very frustrating because she is tearing up her room. She is being caught at school with mouthfuls of sand or dirt. She doesn't understand that this is something that she is not supposed to do. We actually had a dentist appt last week and I asked the dentist about it and she said that she hasn't done any damage to her teeth yet though if it does continue and she happens to bite on a rock or something hard, she could do some serious damage to her little teeth. She suggested something like a teething ring to chew on to help her get to sleep at night... we meet with the developmental pediatrician in May so I will ask him then what we should do. Last night I walked into the bathroom and she had a mouthful of white sheetrock. She had biten through the wall next to the potty! We slapped her mouth for a while though that wasn't working. If you have any experience with this... PLEASE let us know what worked for you all!

Immunizations

2009-02-26T06:06:00.000-08:00

Below is an article I was sent this week. Though we will never know if Autism in our family was caused by monthly immunizations, this really makes me wonder if we will being doing regular shots with our third child due this May. Please read the article.... very compelling court case.

http://www.huffingt onpost.com/ robert-f- kennedy-jr- and-david- kirby/vaccine- court-autism- deba_b_169673. html

Learning to Love

2009-02-25T12:18:00.000-08:00

Do you think that she will ever get married? I hear this question all the time. I don't know whether Baileyanne will ever get married though this morning while getting ready, I had the TV on and just happened to catch this precious story of this couple on Good Morning America. It is about two young adults living together that have Autism. It did give me some hope. Yes, I do pray that she will get married someday.

here is the link:

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/OnCall/story?id=6952013&page=1

The best thing since sliced bread!

2009-02-21T13:58:00.001-08:00

We sold our Honda CRV and bought a new car. I did everything in my power to not break down and get a mini-van!!! We bought a Chrysler Pacifica. It is a cross between a mini van and a small SUV. It is the perfect size for our growing family and I tell ya, the kids love it! When I picked up the kids this morning at Granny's house, Baileyanne runs out to the car and says, "A new car, you bought me a new car!" it was priceless! She then walked around it and commented on the tires and the shiny silver rims, etc. She was SO excited! It was fun to watch her and even more fun to listen to some of her vocabulary. Noah is especially excited about the DVD in the back. They watched Madagascar 2 on the way home from Granny's house and they were in heaven! The little things in life excite my children. Who would have ever thought that a TV in a car would be the best thing that has happened since sliced bread?!?

We are beat...

2009-02-11T17:12:00.000-08:00

Baileyanne has been putting us through the ringer the past few weeks and we are beat! She has had a REALLY hard time obeying. She wants to do what she wants to do and like any other child, she throws a fit when she doesn't get her way. She is 7 1/2 years old and I am tired of her fits. I am tired of her teacher calling me. I am tired of people staring. I am tired of wanting her to be like the "other" children. I am tired of her chewing on her socks and having to buy new ones. (this is a habit that she started about a month ago and we are having a hard time getting her to stop) I am just plain tired. EXHAUSTED to be more honest. I don't think that I am cut out to be a mother of an Autistic child. I am just plain beat.
The 2nd grade classes are doing a Valentine's Day program on Friday and her teacher wants everything in this world for Baileyanne to be a part of things though she is not cooperating. She won't stand with the other kids. She won't listen. She won't obey. They have tried many times to get her to be a "part" of this show though she is just not able. Physically and emotionally, she is not able. They have tried and I KNOW they have, though when her teacher comes up to me in carpool lane two days in a row and tells me that it's just not working, and that she can't be part of the program, you can't help but be hurt. It is SO hard hearing those words that your child can't be "part" of something because of her delays or whatever it may be. I HATE it. With the pregnancy hormones and the fact that I am so beat, I lost it. I could go on and on about how I HATE that she is different and that I don't "like" her right now though that would be throwing me a pity party and I am not going to do that. PLEASE pray for us. Baileyanne is exhausting Dan and I's relationship. Every last ounce of energy has gone into that child the past few weeks and we are both beat. PLEASE pray for our marriage and for Baileyanne. Please pray for my strength and for my patience. I know that God has plans... though right now we are beat.

To medicate or not to medicate

2009-02-07T11:32:00.001-08:00

That was the question... when Baileyanne was diagnosed with Autism, our pediatric neurologist asked us if we wanted to put her on meds. We were VERY against this idea though prayed about it for a few weeks and met up with him and discussed our options. He told us that our best bet would be to try several and see which one worked best for our daughter. We talked to him about the benefits and the advantages and the disadvantages. He told us that her body would adversely react if that particular med was not appropriate for her. He put us on 6 different trial meds, one for two-three weeks at a time. He told us that we would know RIGHT away with each medication if this was the one for her. We tried the first one... nope. We tried the second one... nope. We tried the third one... nope. We tried the fourth one... nope. We tried the fifth one... nope. We tried the sixth one... nope. We were EXHAUSTED! Her body reacted differently to each one. She was violent, hitting the walls, she was moody, she cried at the drop of a hat, she didn't sleep, she slept for hours. We TRIED and knew that this was something that we did not want to see our daughter go through. It was both exhausting for her and for us. Try getting a three year old to take pills... with applesauce, with yogurt... we tried everything in the book. We called the doctor and told him that we had tried each medication and that we had chosen not to medicate our daughter. The medications that he prescribed were for ADD and ADHD. You name it, we tried it.
Three years later, I was at the scrapbook store and the crop that night happened to be raising money for the Austism Foundation here in Tulsa. TOTAL GOD THING... that I happened to be there that night! At the table across from me, there was this little girl that I swear to you, was a mirror image of Baileyanne! she acted like her, she talked like her, she even LOOKED like her. There was something different though. She was a lot more calm that Baileyanne ever was. It was TOO weird! I got to talking to her caregiver (her mom was not there that night) and we got on the subject of meds. This little girl was Autistic like Baileyanne and was on a medication called Luvox. "Luvox, I asked?!?" what is it for and how did I get some?!? we ended up talking for quite a while and realized that we went to the same doctor. We talked about Luvox and the fact that we had been praying about what to do with Baileyanne. I called our developmental pediatrician and he got us in the next month. (usually it takes three to four months to get in to see him) We talked about our options and he started her on the Luvox that week. Not even TWO days later.... we noticed a difference. Her teachers noticed a difference. It was AMAZING! We knew that this was something that we needed to continue. Luvox is an anti-psychotic medication used for anxiety. With Baileyanne's OCD and her Obsessive Compulsive behavior and stemming, this medication has worked wonders not only for her, though for our family. She is pleasant to be around and has demonstrated that she can sit for longer periods at school and in everyday settings. For the longest time, we were against the idea of medicating our daughter because all of the hype you hear, though it is the best thing that we have done for her and for our family. It may not be for everyone though God answers prayer and makes it clear to His children what He desires. He desires for us to be good stewards of His name. I believe that is what we strive to do daily in our family and with our daughter Baileyanne.

Our Week in Pictures

2009-01-29T09:32:00.001-08:00

The kids have been on this popcorn kick now for weeks... whatever makes them happy!

Noah eating icicles

Baileyanne LOVES playing in the snow!

Not too much snow though enough to cancel school for THREE days... maybe four. I am SO ready to go back to work and the kids go back to school!

This is nothing compared to the ice storm we had back in December 2007. We lost power for 5 days and the kids were out of school for a week.

Poor Noah... breathing treatments all week.

These are some diaper cakes that I made for two co-workers that we threw a

shower for last week.

Two and a Half

2009-01-27T08:21:00.000-08:00

Emotionally and socially, Baileyanne has been two and a half years old for 5 years now. I guess this is the hardest part for me... hoping and praying daily that my daughter "grow up". When she was two we met with a developmental child psychologist and she did some developmental IQ testing. I remember her telling us and we thinking that she would never be able to dress herself or do things on her own. We walked out of there with no hope... none. She tested at an 8 month old level when she was two. She didn't start walking until she was almost 19 months old. She didn't start talking until after she turned three. Baileyanne was our late bloomer and I never accepted it. To this day, I have a very hard time looking at her, knowing that she is behind. Over the past few years, I have really had to learn to "love" my daughter. I know that this sounds horrible, though for the longest time, I was embarrassed by her. I went through a year in a half of counseling, bringing things to the surface. One of the main things was the way that I felt toward Baileyanne. I HATE the fact that she is the different. I HATE that she can't be in the regular classroom all day with the "normal" kids. I HATE that we have constant fits daily (she is two and a half... which means that she throws tantrums.... still) I HATE that we don't know what to do for her some days. Though, through all of this hate, deep down inside, comes the love of Christ. The love that surpasses all of this hate. The love of Jesus that has TAUGHT me to love my daughter. It has not been easy though it has taken me years to learn to love my daughter. I always hope and pray that she will catch up. I used to pray that one day she would wake up and be "normal". I gave up praying that prayer and have started focusing on who she is and WHY God has blessed us with her. He didn't give her to any other family. There are days that I don't want her as my daughter and I know that sounds horrible though this has been the hardest thing that I have ever been faced with. She is ours and we are to love her even on the hard days. I often compare myself to others' struggles and what other people have to deal with daily and my mother in law always reminds me... if we were all to put our "problems" in a hat and pass it around, each would dig out the problem they started with. I am learning... learning day by day what it means to love my daughter... through His eyes, not mine. Through His strength, not mine.

Another Baby Step

2009-01-25T11:22:00.000-08:00

Dan was taking a shower last night and Baileyanne asked to get in with him! Okay, all you moms with kids..... this is no big deal and I am sure you would not allow your 7 1/2 year old daughter the opportunity to get in the shower with her daddy, THOUGH THIS IS HUGE! Baileyanne has not taken a shower since she was a year in a half... and that was a battle in itself. With her sensory issues, the water hitting her face and the loud sound that it makes, she wanted nothing to do with taking a shower. We are SO proud of her and hope that this will lead to other things... like the hair dryer!

Three years of uncertainity

2009-01-14T08:55:00.000-08:00

Every six months, we take Baileyanne to the developmental pediatrician. For three years, he would evaluate her, do some visual testing and meet with us for about an hour discussing her progress. Well, EVERY time when we were done, we would walk out of his office more frustrated then we were when we first walked in. He told us that Baileyanne was a late bloomer and that she would "catch up" He is a FANTASTIC doctor and we trust him and his educational background. People always asked us if we were so frustrated, why didn't we change doctors.... well, my gutt always told me that we were doing the "right" thing. As frustrated as I was, I always had a peace that things would "work out" For three years, we attended our appointments with Dr. G and walked out of there in tears. Either at peace with her progress or pure frustration about what to do next. Though I always had a peace about seeing this doctor, I also carried a heavy heart, KNOWING that something was "wrong" with our daughter. People told us that we were doing everything that we could do though I always had this feeling that we weren't doing enough. She had MANY of the symptoms that we read about describing Autism though always in the back of my head and what others told us, she was not Autistic and wasn't going to be. In this long journey, this was the hardest part, not knowing. KNOWING in your heart that something was wrong though not knowing professionally what was the case.
November of 2005 we had our 6 month checkup and my mother in law had heard something about Hyperlexia, which is on the Autistic spectrum. Baileyanne exihibited ALL of the characteristics and we KNEW in our hearts that this was something that we needed to do more research on. We called our developmental pediatrician and he didn't have much information on the topic. I don't care much for the internet though we knew at this point if we were going to get some answers, this was our only option. I did many hours of research on the internet and discussed our findings with Dr. G. Because it was so new, many doctors to this day still don't have much information regardinig this behavior. Long story short, Hyperlexia is on the lower end of the Autistic spectrum and Baileyanne was a prime candidate. We discussed the outcome
and Dr. G (after three years) diagnosed her as having PDD, which is Pervasive Developmental Disorder. Hyperlexia is right above it on the spectrum and Baileyanne falls right in between the two. We FINALLY had some type of answer. Something to attach a name to, something to explain to people. After three years of being told that she was a "late bloomer" and that she would catch up was not "the answer" anymore. I would no longer lie in bed awake at night with an empty feeling in my gutt, knowing that something was wrong with our little girl. We didn't know better. This was our first kid. When professionals tell you over and over that she would catch up, that is what we "held onto" In a sense, we celebrated that month, discussing options and further "treatment". This was only the beginning of our long journey ahead.

On a lighter note.... baby is doing good. I have gained 19 lbs and am almost 23 weeks along. This is the most weight I have gained being pregnant. I am exhausted and ready to have this kid! I tried getting off my nausea meds last week though got sick again. Not too much to report these days.

Getting a diagnosis - only the beginning

2009-01-03T14:32:00.000-08:00

When Baileyanne was three, we were in the process of trying to get a diagnosis. The doctors kept telling us that she was a late bloomer and that she would catch up. Well, in the process of diagnosing her, we were determined to try anything and everything to help us figure out what was "wrong" with our little girl. They thought that she might have fragile X syndrome which is an abnormality on her X chromosome. The doctors gave us the option of having numerous tests done to help determine if this is what she had. Our main option was the MRI... this would tell us if she indeed did have Fragile X.
We showed up at the hospital bright and early and they gave Bailey some orange liquid which would make her woozy and eventually fall asleep. Dan took the morning off of work and my mother in law also was there to help out. Noah was at home with a friend. He was about 3 months old if I remember correctly. The first attempt in getting her to take the medicine was a nightmare. She fought us tooth and nail and got so upset and threw up the medicine all over my poor mother in law. To this day, she will not let me forget about that detail of the morning. She calmed down and we then were able to get her to take the second dose. They then put us in a hospital room and told us to watch her while she would become sleepy and eventually fall asleep... that never happened. We were instructed the night before that she could have NOTHING to eat or drink the day of the scan. Well, while waiting in the room for the medicine to kick in, Baileyanne found a TINY piece of graham cracker on the floor and of course... it went in her mouth! She was three, didn't know better and was hungry, that poor kid. I was SO upset! There was NO way they could do the scan because if she were to choke, she could aspirate the cracker and become very sick. In tears (well, maybe more than that), I went out to the nurses station and started becoming very loud, asking for the manager of that floor and wondered who was in charge of maintenance and why the room was not clean and why was there food on the floor in a hospital room?!? I WAS MAD! Needless to say, we went home and rescheduled the MRI for another day. This was only the beginning...

Long week - in pictures

2009-01-02T07:49:00.001-08:00

This has been a crazy week! I am SO glad that things are FINALLY calming down! Happy 2009!

Poor little Noah ran into a glass door at the McDonald's and had to get 3 stitches.

While at Urgent Care, Baileyanne and Noah BOTH picked up some sort of virus. They both got up to 104 temperatures and were miserable! Word to the wise: If you can leave one kid home while going to the ER, DO!

104 temps... not fun!

Our crazy attempt of Gingerbread House building. This year we made a "condo"

My mom and I got our hubbies the same shirts at Macy's for Christmas... little did we know they would wear them on the same day!

Christmas Day at Grandma's and Grandpa's House

Christmas Morning

Baileyanne got her Melissa and Doug Princess Castle she had been talking about all year and Noah got a Hotwheels Race Garage. They were both VERY happy!

This was the view Christmas Eve morning of the sunrise from our garage. Isn't God amazing?!?

Christmas Eve - All Dressed Up and ready to go to Granny's House!

I'm Sorry

2009-01-01T11:28:00.001-08:00

Last week at church we were checking in Baileyanne and Noah and there was a family standing there in back of us waiting in line. They have a "little person" daughter and is precious! The mom is normal size and the dad is a dwarf (little person) like his daughter. Beautiful family! Anyway.... Baileyanne started talking to their daughter and getting right up in her face. She doesn't understand boundaries and how close is too close with anyone, let alone a little girl her size. Baileyanne asked her name and then started asking her all of these questions. I looked at the mom and I said, "I'm sorry, she is autistic and doesn't understand". She pulled me aside and told me, "Don't EVER apologize for your daughter" With my pregnancy hormones in full swing, I started tearing up as she was talking to me. She told me that Baileyanne is a gift and that I should never say sorry for who she is or the way that she portrays herself. Two days before this happened, I did the SAME EXACT thing in the line at the movies. Baileyanne got in this other little girl's face and told her that she smelled good. She had been in her mommy's perfume. I told the mom that I was sorry and that she was autistic.
I am sorry... I feel like she is "bothering" people. I am embarrassed of her and the way that she acts the majority of the time. She has gotten better though when she was little, I apologized for everything she did and used the fact that she is autistic as an excuse for the way that she was acting. I love my daughter, though there are days that I don't "like" her.
I ask God, "Why me?"... and then before I get done asking him that, I ask him, "Why NOT me?" Baileyanne is a gift. She is a precious little girl that is oblivious to her condition and the fact that she is "different"
I want to write more though this has been a crazy week. Noah got three stitches after running into a glass door at McDonald's and then at the ER while getting the stitches, he picked up a horrible virus that Baileyanne now has. 104 fevers all around. Let's pray that I don't get this one! I will try and post new pics this weekend.

baby steps

2008-12-27T14:43:00.000-08:00

Baileyanne used the mixer!!!!! For years, she was deathly afraid of it, not wanting anything to do with cooking... well, we hit a milestone this past week. (that is what we call them around here) She was cooking with Granny making cupcakes and she asked to help! This is HUGE! My 7 1/2 year old will now cook with us! We have come a LONG way... now, all we need for her is to not be afraid of the vaccum or the hairdryer and life would be A LOT easier! baby steps...

Twelve Tips of Christmas for families with children with Autism

2008-12-24T07:44:00.000-08:00

I enjoyed this article and hope that you can benefit from it as well.

Helping Your Son/Daughter and Family Have a Happy Holidays: The Twelve Tips of Christmas

Contributed by Dr. Cathy Pratt, Ph.D.

• Preparation is crucial for many individuals. At the same time, it is important to determine how much preparation a specific person may need. For example, if your son or daughter has a tendency to become anxious when anticipating an event that is to occur in the future, you may want to adjust how many days in advance you prepare him or her. Preparation can occur in various ways by using a calendar and marking the date of various holiday events, or by creating a Social Story that highlights what will happen at a given event.
• Having decorations around the house may be disruptive for some. It may be helpful to revisit pictures from previous holidays that show decorations in the house. If such a book does not exist, use this holiday season to create a picture book. For some it may also be helpful to take them shopping with you for holiday decorations so that they are engaged in the process. Or involve them in the process of decorating the house. And once holiday decorations have been put up, you may need to create rules about those that can be touched and those that can not be touched. Be direct, specific and consistent.
• If your child has difficulty with change, you may want to gradually decorate the house. For example, on the first day put up the Christmas tree, then on the next day decorate the tree and so on. And again, engage them as much as possible in this process.
• If your child begins to obsess about a particular gift or toy they want, it may be helpful to be specific and direct about the number of times a child can mention the toy. One suggestion is to give your child 5 chips. They are allowed to exchange one chip for 5 minutes of talking about the desired gift. Also, if you have no intention of purchasing a specific toy, it serves no purpose to tell the child that maybe they will get the gift. This will only lead to problems in the future. Always choose to be direct specific about your intentions.
• Teach your child how to leave a situation and/or how to access support when an event becomes overwhelming. For example, rather then having a behavioral episode, the individual should be taught ahead of time that they should go to their room when feeling overwhelmed. This self-management tool will serve the individual into adulthood.
• If you are traveling for the holidays, make sure you have the child’s favorite foods or toys available. Having familiar items readily available can help to calm stressful situations. Also prepare them via social stories or other communication systems, for any unexpected delays in travel.
• Know your child and how much noise and activity they can tolerate. If you detect that a situation may be becoming overwhelming, help your child find a quiet area in which to regroup. And there may be some situations that you simply avoid (e.g., crowded shopping malls the day after Thanksgiving).
• Prepare a photo album in advance of the relatives and other guests who will be visiting during the holidays. Allow the child access to these photos at all time and also go through the photo album with your child while talking briefly about each family member.
• In preparation for the holiday season, you might want to practice opening gifts, taking turns and waiting for others, or giving gifts to others. You might also choose to practice certain religious rituals. Work with a speech language pathologists to construct pages of vocabulary or topic boards that relate to the holidays and family traditions.
• It may also be helpful to prepare family members for strategies to use to minimize anxiety or behavioral incidents, and to enhance participation. Help them to understand if your son/daughter prefers to be hugged or not, needs calm discussions, or provide other suggestions that will facilitate a smoother holiday season.
• If you child is on special diet, make sure there is food available that they can eat. And even if they are not on a special diet, be cautious of the amount of sugar consumed. And while we are talking about health, try to maintain a sleep and meal routine.
• Above all, know your child. Know how much noise and other sensory input they can take. Know their level of anxiety and the amount of preparation it may take. Know their fears and those things that will make the season more enjoyable for them.

I want to go deeper

2008-12-24T05:33:00.000-08:00

I am a horrible blogger... I know. No, really... I am. Please be patient... I have really have been praying about where this blog should go. I want to go deeper and maybe change the lives of those strugggling with children with Autism... next year (next week) I plan on going a little deeper, sharing with you the daily struggles and obstacles that I face both emotionally and physically with our daughter Baileyanne. I think it will both help me and others struggling with the same things that we do on a daily basis. sooo... with that said, please be patient and stay posted.

Our week in pictures

2008-12-03T14:05:00.001-08:00

The kids FINALLY got a chance play in the leaves. Everytime we go over to my folks, the leaf removal man HAD just been there... so this time, there was a huge pile on their driveway just waiting to be played in!

Saturday, we went up to Skiatook and cut down our Christmas tree. The kids had a lot of fun though it was FREEZING! We didn't stay long and didn't get many pics because I was so cold!

Poor Dan... the previous owner took all of our gas logs and I was really wanting to light up the living room fire place. I told him to go to Walmart and go get some gas logs... well, it wasn't that easy. $160 dollars later, he comes home from Lowes with a whole fireplace set that he had to put together! Poor guy... but a WONDERFUL husband! He didn't complain one bit! He even had to go back to the store a second time because the gas pipe that we originally had was too small... hence, he needed a smaller one... only a few bucks later the second time. Noah had more fun with that box! The thing that really stinks is that after all of that hard work and money spent, the darn thing doesn't put off any heat!!!!

We got out all of our Christmas stuff down from the attic. I am having my preschool kids over this week for a Cookie Exchange so I told Dan that I needed to have everything decorated by Friday. We are still working on the tree... I will take pics once it's done.

The kids after a nice warm bath, enjoying a movie and a bowl of popcorn.

Blog Games

2008-12-02T14:00:00.000-08:00

My 5 favorite present addictions:

Kisses from my children. As much as they hate to be kissed, I love kissing them!

Pumpkin Spice Lattes from Starbucks. I know I shouldn't be drinking coffee while I'm pregnant though I can't get enough of it!

Zofran... wouldn't call it my favorite though God has blessed me with nausea meds and I can't seem to wean myself off... that or I am deathly afraid too!

Jamba Juice... I need to take stock out in the company! My allowance every week is gone... Carribbean Passion, no boost, extra ice which makes it extra COLD!

Facebook... I enjoy getting in touch with old friends.

WHO'S WHO?

What is your husband's name? Daniel Scott Duncan (people call him Dan)

How long have you been married? almost 9 years. We got married in March 2000

How long did you date? Uhhhh.... probably not long enough. 2 weeks, got engaged and then got married 3 months later. we had been friends for 6 years.

How old is he? 6 years older... you do the math. okay, I am 32...

Who is taller? He is 6, 4 if that tells you anything.

Who can sing best? I am the better singer.

Who is smarter? He knows everything... and knows how to DO everything... just ask my dad!

Who does the laundry? I DO! He will help if I ask him... though that rarely ever happens.

Who pays the bills? I do. It is a control issue. They get paid that way.

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? He always has, in all of our houses... what kind of question is this???

Who mows the lawn? Dan does... I have NEVER mowed a lawn in my life. I know, call me spoiled.

Who cooks the meals? I do most of the cooking though not feeling well lately, I have let him in our kitchen.

Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? we both are pretty good about admitting when we are wrong. I am better at it.

Who kissed who first? uhhhhhhh...... me. I kissed him. He told me that the next girl that he was going to kiss was the girl that he was going to marry... this was BEFORE he asked me to marry him. He asked... and it still hadn't happened... so, I took the plunge. yes, we got engaged... never had kissed each other.

Who wears the pants? we both do... he should more though I am a control freak and tend to "wear" them more.

What a great idea!

2008-11-24T16:20:00.000-08:00

A shout out to the mothers…I want to make you aware of something that I think is pretty cool.

A husband (who will remain anonymous) is doing something really cool for his wife for Christmas. You can read all the details here.

Basically, out of an agreed conviction from his family that they will not spend money on Christmas this year, rather, they plan to set the amount of money they would have spent aside and give it away. Thus, this means that gifts are required to not cost him money. He is asking for mothers to write a letter to another mother. He is gathering all of these letters and giving them as a gift to his wife (if you participate, he will give you the end product as well). Here’s the thing. What will make this project special is mothers who are willing to be gut-level honest in their assessment of motherhood as they know it. The more honest, the better. I don’t do this often…OK, never.

But I am asking you to do a couple of things:

1.) Spread the word…Tell the moms in your world to participate (e-mails, blogs, etc.) This really only works if the word is spread.

2.) Write a letter….I think the process of doing this for mothers is the appeal. Anything that forces you to think back and reflect on what you have gathered along the way, is a good thing.

And we have been witness to the fact that your own story- when told- can allow others to believe that their world is not as lonely as they once thought.

http://www.motherletter.blogspot.com/

Professional Photo Session in our living room...

2008-11-22T11:57:00.000-08:00

Don't know if I would do this again....Got a few good pics though Baileyanne kept wanting to run to her room... yes, these will be used for our Christmas card. Not attempting anymore anytime soon. I can't imagine what it will be like trying to get THREE children to look at the camera... it is hard enough with two! We used a friend's niece... she did a great job and has ALOT of patience. You can see her website here: www. designs-by-summer.com

Hunting Season has officially begun!

2008-11-22T05:30:00.001-08:00

Thought this was pretty bad! Dan left last night and God knows when we will see him again. For the next three weeks, he will be attempting to fill our freezer with dear meat! Yum!!! Hey, it's better than your husband sitting on the couch every night during football season... I am blessed, my husband doesn't watch football!

Seriously?!?

2008-11-21T15:58:00.000-08:00

I had some time to kill this week so I went over to Babies R Us to look around and to help give me an idea of what I want to register for in a few months... NO, I have not registered yet! Only with the first kid was I THAT stupid to go out and register what, 6 months even before baby came?!? Anyway, I walked around that HUGE store for about 40 minutes and looked at all of the stuff that I WON'T be registering for. Okay, seriously, would you use a wipe warmer? Or how about a belly wrap? Don't get me wrong, some people would love these... but c'mon people! I can't remember even seeing some of the things that I saw today, 8 years ago when registering for my daughter. I know, times have changed and there are ALOT of new things out there, but honestly, give me a new cute soft blanket (some of the blankets they have now are adorable... weren't around when I was pregnant with my first) and call it good. I am very simple... after all, the third kid will be going in the garage.... I AM KIDDING! We are in the process of gutting the office (goodbye computer room) and making it the nursery. New carpet, paint, the works. Still arguing with my DH about paint color.

The Holidays are Coming... from Baileyanne

2008-11-12T12:54:00.000-08:00

Dear Family and Friends:

I understand that we will be visiting each other for the holidays this year! Sometimes these visits can be very hard for me, but here is some information that might help our visit to be more successful. As you probably know, a hidden disability called autism, or what some people refer to as a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), challenges me. Autism/PDD is a neurodevelopment disorder, which makes it hard for me to understand the environment around me. I have barriers in my brain that you can't see, but which make it difficult for me to adapt to my surroundings. Thanksgiving & Christmas is one of the roughest holidays for me. With large crowds and holiday shopping it can be very overwhelming, even a bit scary. When planning a party remember that with my over sensitive hearing and eye sight, Christmas trees and holiday smells can cause me mild to severe pain or discomfort. If the noises are impossible to control a personal stereo with headphones set to a safe level for children may help drown out background noise and ease my discomfort. Sometimes I may seem rude and abrupt, but it is only that because I have to try so hard to understand people and at the same time, make myself understood. People with autism have different abilities: some may not speak, some write beautiful poetry, others are whizzes in math (Albert Einstein was thought to be autistic), or may have difficulty making friends. We are all different and need various degrees of support. Sometimes when I am touched unexpectedly, it might feel painful and make me want to run away. I get easily frustrated too. Being with lots of other people is like standing next to a moving freight train and trying to decide how and when to jump aboard. I feel frightened and confused a lot of the time. This is why I need to have things the same as much as possible. Once I learn how things happen, I can get by OK. But if something, anything, changes, then I have to relearn the situation all over again! It is very hard. When you try to talk to me, I often can't understand what you say because there is a lot of distraction around. I have to concentrate very hard to hear and understand one thing at a time. You might think I am ignoring you-I am not. Rather, I am hearing everything and not knowing what is most important to respond to. Holidays are exceptionally hard because there are so many different people, places, and things going on that are out of my ordinary realm. This may be fun and adventurous for most people, but for me, it's very hard work and can be extremely stressful. I often have to get away from all the commotion to calm down. It would be great if you had a private place set up to where I could retreat. If I cannot sit at the meal table, do not think I am misbehaving or that my parents have no control over me. Sitting in one place for even five minutes is often impossible for me. I feel so antsy and overwhelmed by all the smells, sounds, and people--I just have to get up and move about. Please don't hold up your meal for me--go on without me, and my parents will handle the situation the best way they know how. Eating in general is hard for me. If you understand that autism is a sensory processing disorder, it's no wonder eating is a problem! Think of all the senses involved with eating. Sight, smell, taste, touch, AND all the complicated mechanics that are involved. Chewing and swallowing is something that a lot of people with autism have trouble with. I am not being picky-I literally cannot eat certain foods as my sensory system and/or oral motor coordination is impaired. Don't be disappointed if Mom hasn't dressed me in starch and bows. It's because she knows how much stiff and frilly clothes can drive me buggy! I have to feel comfortable in my clothes or I will just be miserable. When I go to someone else's house, I may appear bossy and controlling. In a sense, I am being controlling, because that is how I try to fit into the world around me (which is so hard to figure out!) Things have to be done in a way I am familiar with or else I might get confused and frustrated. It doesn't mean you have to change the way you are doing things--just please be patient with me, and understanding of how I have to cope. Mom and Dad have no control over how my autism makes me feel inside. People with autism often have little things that they do to help themselves feel more comfortable. The grown ups call it "self regulation," or "stimming'. I might rock, hum, flick my fingers, or any number of different things. I am not trying to be disruptive or weird. Again, I am doing what I have to do for my brain to adapt to your world. Sometimes I cannot stop myself from talking, singing, or doing an activity I enjoy. The grown-ups call this "perseverating" which is kind-a-like self- regulation or stimming. I do this only because I have found something to occupy myself that makes me feel comfortable. Perseverative behaviors are good to a certain degree because they help me calm down. Please be respectful to my Mom and Dad if they let me "stim" for a while as they know me best and what helps to calm me. Remember that my Mom and Dad have to watch me much more closely than the average child. This is for my own safety, and preservation of your possessions. It hurts my parents' feelings to be criticized for being over protective, or condemned for not watching me close enough. They are human and have been given an assignment intended for saints. My parents are good people and need your support. Holidays are filled with sights, sounds, and smells. The average household is turned into a busy, frantic, festive place. Remember that this may be fun for you, but it's very hard work for me to conform. If I fall apart or act out in a way that you consider socially inappropriate, please remember that I don't possess the neurological system that is required to follow some social rules. I am a unique person--an interesting person. I will find my place at this celebration that is comfortable for us all, as long as you'll try to view the world through my eyes!

Thank you, Lord

2008-11-07T13:57:00.000-08:00

As bad as I have felt, while waiting to pick up the kids today, I was reflecting on how many things that I have to be thankful for right now. We are so blessed and I need to remind myself of that even when feeling like I have been for the last two months.
I have two beautiful healthy children and one on the way. I have a husband that is willing to take care of my two beautiful children while I go to bed every night at 7:00 pm. I have a husband that has a decent paying job that he doesn't like going to everyday. We are debt free except our house! I have a job that I LOVE! I have parents that live in the same town as we do. I have a beautiful roof over my head every night. I have money to pay for gas and for groceries. I have nausea meds that make my life bearable right now. I did say bearable, not good. We have so much to be thankful for, yet we complain so much about everything else going on in our lives. (being so sick with this pregnancy, I have a lot of free time to think in bed, trying to take my mind off of this nausea!) For all of the things that God has blessed us with in this life, I need to take more time to Thank Him. He is my provider and my Strength! what are you thankful for these days?

It's a ...

2008-10-24T14:19:00.001-07:00

GIRL!!!!!!

Fall Fun!

2008-10-20T14:14:00.000-07:00

Sunday after church we headed out to the Pumpkin Patch in Bixby. The weather was SO perefct! The kids love going every year so as bad as I felt, I put on a happy face and we trekked down there. My mom and Dan's mom went as well. My dad ended up not going because he was sick. We got there and the rest of Tulsa was there I swear! I told Dan that we are not going to go this late in the year again! It was NUTS! There were kids EVERYWHERE and the pumpkins had been pretty much picked over. The kids had fun though we really didn't stay long. Along with pony rides, they had camel rides this year as well. I told Noah that we weren't going to go on the animals this year because the line was too long... well, Dan and I were paying for pumpkins and as soon as we caught up to the kids, they had JUST gotten off of the camel ride! I was SO bummed that I didn't get a picture! I told my mom and Dan's mom that we weren't going to wait in the long line though they didn't listen..... hence, while we stood in line to pay for pumpkins, the kiddos rode a camel!

The first few pictures are of the kids riding their new scooters. My folks bought them at the fair this year! I would not pay $65 each for something like that.... BUT it was the best money THEY have spent all year! They LOVE them! My folks driveway steeps down a bit so it is perfect for them to ride. My dad has been blowing leaves and bagging them the past month. He has been leaving the bags at the end of his driveway so the kids have a cushion to run into. It is hilarious to watch! Dan has even ridden on it! The guy that sold them said that you can be up to 300 lbs to ride. I would love to try it though maybe after the baby comes.

can I just say.... BLAH!!!

2008-10-17T14:36:00.001-07:00

That is exactly how I am feeling these days. not better, not worse.... but BLAH! I can't even get up the energy to update this darn blog! Thank you for continuing to pray for me. The steroids didn't work though the doctor did finally prescribe some Phenegryn which make the nausea go away though makes me TOTALLY EXHAUSTED! soooo... I take the Zofran during the day and the Phenegryn at night. PLEASE pray that this subsides soon. I hate that I can't even entertain my children during Fall Break. Poor Kids.... we were at the library yesterday and I told them we needed to go because mommy didn't feel good and Bailey says "Baby making you sick?" the librarian was standing right there and I told her that it is pretty pathetic when your own children know that you have morning sickness... everywhere we go all day long. My folks bought us tickets to the circus tonight at the new BOK Center... NOT looking forward to going. shhh... please don't tell my dad that. just wish I felt decent enough to enjoy anything right now.

Our Week in Pictures

2008-10-04T08:52:00.000-07:00

Okay, I copied my friend Kathy and decided that since I haven't posted in a while, I will and share some pictures of our week at the same time!

We are good.... sick, but good. Well, I am sick. The kids are fine. We saw the doctor yesterday and he put me on some steroids along with my anti nausea medication. The steroids are supposed to help... we'll see. I wish that we would have had this option with the last two! Feeling nauseous ALL of the time and have gained 4 lbs already... the only thing that makes me feel better is to eat. The doctor said it was totally fine because I was underweight to begin with. soooo... I continue to stuff my face all day until he complains about the amount of weight that I am gaining. The baby is right on track... no problems. Measuring like it should. no big news... yet. we hope to find out what it is in a few weeks! We get an ultrasound every time which is great! Still due may 17th and counting down the days until I feel better. Before the doctor checked me yesterday, I told him that he needed to tell me that I was a 10 and it was time to push! He said that I would give birth to a kangaroo if that was the case. I guess baby kangaroos are tiny to begin with. Gosh, maybe in my next life I will be a kangaroo! The ultrasound pic is hard to see. I scanned it though I couldn't blow it up... I am not as computer savvy as most of you!

We took the kids to see Veggie Tales last week. We normally don't go to stuff like this though Baileyanne had so much fun seeing the Disney princesses on ice last year, we thought that it would be fun! Dan and I were BORED STIFF! Poor Noah, we left at intermission. Bob the Tomato got lost and the whole show was about finding Bob... well, we left early and on the way out of the auditorium Noah says, "But Mommy, they never found Bob"... poor kid, he will have this void for the rest of his life. I felt bad though we were so ready to go! sooo... I am assuming that they found Bob and that he will be okay.

We skipped the fair this year and spent time with Dan's family. His brother Bill came in from Louisiana and brought crabs... so we had a huge crab feed. The kids had a great time playing with them. I sat in a lawn chair the whole time and tried not to throw up. sorry my pics are all messed up order wise. I give up. I have been on here way too long and am about to be sick.

Have a great weekend and I will see you next week! Thanks for being so patient!

you forget ALL about this...

2008-09-26T13:48:00.000-07:00

This is exactly why we weren't having any more children! I have morning sickness and I am 7 weeks pregnant. With Baileyanne, I lost 26 lbs, and was in and out of the hospital for dehydration. Dan would come home between classes and give me IV fluids through my PICC line. With Noah, I lost 18 lbs and was on the pill form of the IV meds I was on with Bailey. With this one.... only time will tell. I feel okay in the morning though as the day goes on, the more tired I get, the more I start to feel sick. All you prayer warriors and close friends... PLEASE pray specifically that this will not last my entire pregnancy. I want to enjoy being pregnant. Things were just starting to get easier around here.

Not too much to report these days. we are still getting used to the idea that there will be a baby come May though other than that.... we are just taking things week by week. Folks sold the cabin in Lake Tahoe this past week. Our neighbors across the street moved out today and the people next door to us now have a contract on their house... which means MORE new neighbors. we are not going anywhere. Who knows where this baby is going to go... haven't gotten that far yet. Hey, Noah slept in a closet for the first year of his life. Baby # 3 can sleep in the garage.

Surprise!

2008-09-18T16:44:00.000-07:00

Let's just be safe and say that we had NO idea this was going to happen... I don't know if you can see Noah's shirt though yes, it does say, "Big Brother" and YES, we are having ANOTHER baby!!!!! Can I just say that we are TOTALLY shocked and that we have NOTHING!!!! we gave EVERYTHING away after Noah was born! sooo... if you see any good sales on baby cribs, strollers, or know anyone that is getting rid of stuff and wants to bless us,.... (what does a third child need anyway?!?) not much I am assuming.... let me know!! I am almost 7 weeks along and baby is coming in mid-May. we are excited... though SHOCKED. I think we are still in denial and shock all at once. is that possible?

Musical Beds

2008-09-13T06:26:00.000-07:00

What a night! I went to bed last night about 10 and could NOT fall asleep! Dan came in about 11 and I told him that I would go and sleep on the couch because I was having a hard time falling asleep. He told me that he would go and sleep in Bailey's bed so I didn't have to sleep on the couch. (I have been there a lot lately with my back hurting so much) He went and slept with Bailey and I continued to toss and turn, trying to fall asleep in our bed. I look at the clock and it is 1:00 in the morning. Apparently I fall asleep somwhere in between 1 and 2 because about 2:15 Noah crys out that he is scared and that he wants his daddy. Dan went in and slept in Noah's bed and then I am wide awake again... having to try and get back to sleep. 4 o'clock rolls around and I am still awake so I decide to go and sleep in Bailey's bed. (she has a full that is hard and better for my back) 6'oclock... I am wide awake and wondering what to do. I went to the couch and slept for about an hour until the dog woke me up wanting to go out. This is going to be a long day!

when people care...too much

2008-09-07T15:16:00.000-07:00

A girl that I have known for a few months was talking to me about Baileyanne the other day and asked me some questions that caught me totally off guard. In the back of my mind, I was thinking "Do I know you?????" We were talking about our old church and the fact that we had some close friends there that knew us pretty well and that we had shared some things with them that were very near and dear to us... well, she asked me what they were!! She then started asking me about Baileyanne and her diagnosis which I was fine with. I appreciate people asking me about our daughter and how she is doing, BUT she went on and asked me if I thought that when Baileyanne was older, were we going to have to care for her?? I thought well, I have the HOPE that we won't be taking care of her when she is 18 and off to college and we have the HOPE that someday she will get married, but NONE of that is guaranteed. tomorrow is not guaranteed. I was speechless. I have known this girl for what, 4 months now.... does she want to be my best friend?!? She kept telling me that if I ever needed anyone to talk to, I could call her. great, though I am not ready to open up like you may expect, I was thinking the entire time. It made me feel very awkward. I told her there are somedays I have hope that Baileyanne will grow out of many of her tendencies and that she will be able to take care of herself... There are days where I feel like I have no hope at all and that I can't even brush her teeth at night without a fight. How close is too close for someone that you have only known a few months? For some reason, this has been on my heart the last few days. Please pray for the opportunity to talk to her and the words to express my current emotional state... to be sensitive to her though also be willing to open my heart to a new possible friendship.

What a night!

2008-09-02T18:42:00.000-07:00

I have been wanting to journal this for over 4 years now and now that I have a blog... I figured this was going to be the best place.... for all to laugh and talk about!!! (I can't find the CD right now with his newborn pics on it, darn it!)

Four years and three months ago I was induced with our son Noah. June 3rd, 2004 we got to St. Francis Hospital at 7 o'clock in the morning and was started on Pitocin about 7:30. (you know the drill... wait for dilation and have the baby) Well, 9 am rolls around and the doctor came in and checked me to see if I was dilated. I was at a 1 so she told me she had a few patients to see and that she would be back at lunch time to check me again. Lunch came and went. 1 o'clock came and went. I made Dan ask the nurse why the doctor hadn't come in to check me. The nurse told me that she got caught up at the office and that she would be there after her last patient at 4:30. I told her that I was in pain and that I was ready for an epidural. Well, she checked me and I was at a 2. ONLY A 2!!!! (yah, call me a wimp!) Well, I told her that I wanted an epidural so she went and told the anesthesiologist. He came about 30 minutes later. To those of you who know this story... bear with me. The doctor came in, needle and all and asked Dan to hold me (C'mon, what idiot asks the husband to hold his wife?!?) Keep in mind, DAN HAD DONE THIS BEFORE, NO PROBLEM! The doctor proceeded with his procedure (Dan holding me with my face buried in his chest) and SLAM, Dan faints straight backward onto the hard cold tile floor! I scream, "MY BABY, MY BABY" (I call him Baby) and SIX, yes, SIX nurses run into the room wondering what happened. They all thought that I had dropped my baby! I hadn't even had my baby yet! Meanwhile, the doctor had the needle still in my back and was coaxing me (well, yelling at me in a very nice way) to sit still. "Mam, you have a needle in your back, please try and sit still". All six nurses tried to pick Dan up. He woke up and told them not to try and pick him up and that he would get up by himself. They didn't listen and all tried to pick him up. what a joke! It was funny and scary at the same time. He stood up and they put him in a wheelchair. They told him that it was company policy that a mandatory Cat Scan had to be completed. He told them that he was fine though they wheeled him downstairs to get a Cat Scan of his head to make sure he was okay. The epidural kicked in and I was all alone, my myself in my bed... waiting for Dan to get back. I called a few friends and also his mom. I started throwing up because my blood pressure had dropped and as I was puking my guts out, one of Dan's good friends walks in. nice! anyway.... I asked him to leave the room until I was done throwing up.

The doctor FINALLY came back at 6:30 and tells me that I am a 10 and that I can start pushing. "I can't" I told her. "My husband is not here!"Then walks in my good friend Kathy (she was one of the people that I had called while I was alone) Well, to make a long story short, Dan walks in 3 minutes BEFORE it was finally time to start pushing and in the meantime, I regret this to this day, Kathy... I am sorry for asking you to leave the room. I should have let you stay in there! I asked my friend Kathy to leave the room while I pushed little Noah out. It was Dan and I and the doctor and one nurse. Kathy and Dan's friend waited out in the waiting room and came in right after little Noah was born. Dan was fine with no head trauma.... and the moral of this story being.... Ask your husband to leave the room when they put a HUGE needle in your back!

six words

2008-09-02T18:30:00.000-07:00

Okay, one of my old college roommates gave me a challenge to respond to in my blog... here goes

Here are the rules:
Write a six word memoir.
Post it to your blog, maybe with a pic.
Link to the person who tagged you.
Tag a few folks.
Leave a comment for them with an invite to play.
Okay, a six word memoir. Here goes. (be patient... still don't know how to link things)

Patiently waiting for my precious Creator

(that was harder than I thought it would be... trying to make it 6 words!)

I am tagging Kathy (Mamma Cakes) and Shelly (K's mommy)

Sisterly Love

2008-08-30T06:20:00.001-07:00

I found Baileyanne loving on Noah last night. She either really loves him or really hates her brother! If you ask me, it looks like a scene from a love story. The majority of Autistic children are not ones to cuddle or love on you. I wouldn't say that Baileyanne is the exception, though she has her moments.

The things he says

2008-08-30T06:11:00.000-07:00

Noah and I were sitting on the couch yesterday and he was sitting on my lap. He got up to go and sit on the other couch and I told him to come back and sit in my lap. He says, " Mommy, I already gave you enough loves for today" I was speechless. My baby is growing up.

This is going to be a great year!

2008-08-27T13:54:00.000-07:00

I started teaching yesterday at Asbury and I love my class! We have 11 kids though only had 9 the first day. This is the first year for both my co-teacher and I so we are learning together. We have a BRAND new room with lots of NEW resources! we are SO blessed! The kids did so well yesterday and we only had one cry for about 30 seconds. He was crying because he thought that he was going to have to take a nap. we told him that he had to lie down though didn't have to go to sleep and he was okay with that. we have 7 boys (only one little bugar) and 4 girls. I really think that this is going to be a great year. After this past weekend, I am slowly finding things to occupy myself. I had planned on finding a job at the mall though I think that I am going to wait on that. I have a lot on my plate emotionally right now to keep me busy.
The kids seem to be adjusting to school pretty well. Noah loves his teacher and asks everyday if he can go back the next day so I guess that is a good sign. Bailey cried today and told me she didn't want to go to school which is odd for her. she loves school. we have an IEP meeting tomorrow so we will be figuring out ways for her to be more content. she does not want to do anything these days. It has been a constant fight just to get her teeth brushed. I am glad that we are back into somewhat of a routine. She is all about knowing what comes next... I think all children are to an extent.

An Adjustment... to say the least.

2008-08-21T15:16:00.000-07:00

The past two weeks have been an adjustment not only for the kids but also for me. To be totally and completely honest, I am lonely. I have had children with me for the past 7 years at home and now that they are at school all day, I am alone. You can only clean your house and go to Walmart and Target so many time during the week... it gets old VERY fast! I thought that it would be great having such long breaks during the day without any children around though all I can say right now is that is sucks and that I am going to have to get used to this. I miss my babies. I know with time, it will get easier, though right now, it just sucks. I am working part time teaching preschool and I know that will get busier with time, though if I don't find more things to do with my time, I am going to go nuts! Lord, please help me through this transition!

A Mom's Prayer

2008-08-18T15:02:00.000-07:00

I love this .... I was a mess today. I cried more today than I did last week! I dropped both kids off in the carpool lane this morning and then drove away. They walked in by themselves. They both were fine... me, I was a mess! I looked in the backseat and there was NOBODY there!!!! 3 blocks from the school... I finally realized that Veggie Tales was STILL on and yes, I was singing along!

A Mom's Prayer On the First Day of School

Here we are again, Lord. Their backpacks are loaded and their faces are scrubbed and their lunch cards are full. And I know you'll walk with them, Lord. You always do.

But a mom still has to ask. Will You walk with them? Will You whisper to them what they need to hear, when I'm not there to whisper it? Will You please, oh please, cover their school with the protection only You can give, and will You keep harm far away? Will You make their minds strong and ready to learn? Will You help them understand that hard work honors the One who created them? Will You guide their teachers, giving them patience and wisdom and creativity
and more patience? Will You bless them for their efforts? Will You love all those children there, the ones whose lunch accounts aren't full, the ones who feel alone? Will You teach my children to be kind and unselfish and to love those who are different from them? Will You point them back toward home just as soon as you can?

Lord, I give them to You today and everyday, trusting them to your care.

In Jesus' name, Amen.

lazy day

2008-08-16T09:40:00.000-07:00

It's the weekend and we are doing absoutely NOTHING!!!!! I feel gulity. I feel like we should be doing something. Dan is off to the range teaching a safety course to some old ladies and I am home doing.... NOTHING, and I might add, it feels GOOD! we have our membership class tomorrow night at our new church though other than that, we are being LAZY!
We took the kids to Beauty and the Beast last night, a play done by the children's theater of Tulsa. I didn't know what to expect when we got there though we got there early enough to get seats in the 2nd row so the kids could see. During the performance, BOTH kids fell off their chairs. The first time Bailey fell. The second time, Noah fell... all within 10 minutes of each other. It was a pretty small theater so everyone and their brother heard them. Another time during the performance there was a knock at the door and Bailey yells out, "Who's there?" and everyone laughed. It was cute. Baileyanne did SO good! Dan and I were surprised. we thought that we were going to have to leave half way through, though she stuck it out. I wanted to take pictures though they didn't allow flash photography. At the end of the play the actors threw fake roses out to the audience. Both Baileyanne and Noah caught one. They were so happy! Bailey slept with hers and hasn't let it go since the performance. Overall, it was a good experience. we might wait a few months before we venture out and see another play though.

Bye Mom!

2008-08-14T14:33:00.000-07:00

Today was the first day of school. Every mom DREADS this day all summer long. Today BOTH my babies went to school ALL day. I do have to admit, it was hard though we did it... it is done and we will do it again tomorrow and the next day and the next day. NOAH WAS FINE. "Bye Mom" he said when he got in the classroom. He told me to have a good day and told me goodbye. It was that easy.... for HIM! I got in the car and tears rolled down my face. Three minutes down the road, I quickly composed myself and treated myself to a Vanilla Frap at Starbucks. That made me feel better.... for a few minutes. I called Dan and told him I was sad. That's all. "I'm sad". When I picked up the kids today Noah ran up to me and gave me the biggest hug and told me he had a great day and that he wanted to go back again tomorrow. Baileyanne walked out crying... she wanted to stay at school! she loves school! The main reason she was crying was because she didn't get to ride the bus. I will be picking up both kids this year so she won't be riding the bus. she was not happy about that!

The countdown

2008-08-13T05:39:00.000-07:00

25 hours from now I will be walking my baby into pre-k ALL DAY! we went yesterday to meet the teacher and walking in there, I was totally nausious. I kept telling myself that God said that it was alright that we were there and that Noah would have the perfect teacher. There are three teachers that teach the pre-k there. Two younger teachers and one that has been teaching for 26 years.... well, in the back of my mind, I was praying the whole time that Noah got one of the young ones... well, we walked into the cafeteria and low and behold, we got the seasoned teacher, the one that has been there forever... well, get this, I AM SO GLAD THAT HE DID!!!! We walked into his class and immediately, we fell in love with Mrs. B as Noah calls her. She has a masters in behavior management (something that we never learned in our teaching classes in college and wish that we had!) and is the sweetest lady. she is probably in her late 5o's, don't quote me. I am bad with ages. anyway..... she had this really neat shark tent that Noah fell in love with and then in walks Chloe, a little girl that we used to go to church with. Noah didn't care about the cool shark tent anymore... Chloe was here, his long lost girlfriend, the girl that he hadn't seen in 5 months since we left our old church. He was SO excited! In walks Matthew... another little boy that we know. God is good and has the perfect plan. we just need to keep reminding ourselves of that. Last night when we were tucking Noah in, he asked to pray for his new class. I asked him if he was going to cry and he said no and then I told him that mommy was going to cry and he told me I was too old to cry. I told him he wasn't aloud to say that I was old though he could tell me that I wasn't aloud to cry.

I've had it!

2008-08-11T12:18:00.000-07:00

This is what I do to my children when I have had it with them... I'M KIDDING!

Bubble Bath

2008-08-10T19:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday during quiet room time, Baileyanne decided that she was going to sneak into the bathroom and play instead of reading books quietly on her bed. I hadn't heard a peep in a few minutes and this is what I found when I opened the bathroom door. I had to laugh.

20 Years Later

2008-08-10T19:01:00.000-07:00

This weekend we went to Dan's 20th High School Reunion. He graduated from Sapulpa High School back in 1988. What an experience! Obviously I haven't been to my 20th reunion and nor did I plan on going... until we went to Dan's! What a night! I had SO much fun just watching people's reactions when they saw him. Back in high school he was 5, 11 and weighed about 135. He is now 6,4 and weighs about 205. HUGE DIFFERENCE! can I just tell you how many people were saying, "Have you seen Danny Duncan?!?" Yes, Danny. That's my good looking husband I was thinking the entire time. I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants, some of the girl's reactions to seeing Dan for the first time in 20 years! (he didn't go to his 10 year reunion) It is amazing what 20 years can do to a person! The class president got up (well, almost fell over) and gave some announcements. She was wearing this little black mini skirt and was totally drunk. Entertaining to say the least! I will be honest, why the heck would we want to go and spend $40 a plate and hang out with people that Dan hated?!? 20 years later... it was totally worth it! I am still laughing thinking about everyone's faces when they realized who Dan was.

short video

2008-08-07T17:30:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDMMwG7RrFQ

this was a video published a few years ago and depicts a day in the life of a parent with an Autistic child. (well, bits and pieces of it) The little girl throwing a fit at the park brings back some memories.

It is you that I'm worried about...

2008-08-07T10:49:00.000-07:00

I was praying last night about Noah going to school, etc. Well, God spoke in the most clear voice... "Rebecca, Noah will be fine," "It is you that I am worried about". I just don't want my baby to grow up. God reassured me that he would be okay going to pre-k. I just don't want him to grow up. He is our last child, Lord willing and I guess that I am in this "protecting my baby stage" please continue to pray that I obey God's still small voice and that I am able to be still in His arms KNOWING that my little Noah will be okay.

You Won't Believe This!

2008-08-06T17:53:00.000-07:00

Are you familiar with the show Survivor where members of a team vote someone off the island? You also know how bad a person feels when they get voted off right?

Well you won’t believe this but a teacher in a class asked the kids in the class to select which child to vote out of their class. That child happened to have autism.

Here is the link:

The Article

The things he says!

2008-08-06T17:33:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that the kids go back to school NEXT week. we are trying to get some activities in before routine starts up again! Next week we have meet the teacher and then school starts Thursday. we are busy trying to get school supplies, new shoes, and groceries for lunches. Today at Target Noah and I were walking through the store and there was this little baby walking with their mother. He looks at the mom and says, " That's a fine baby you have there" where he gets these.... don't ask!?! Then when we were checking out, he was playing with the credit card swiper, the one with the pen hanging down (in perfect reach for little hands to get a hold of!) and I ask him what he is doing and he says, "I am checking my e-mail" Go figure I responded.

Good Days and Bad Days

2008-08-05T14:36:00.000-07:00

If you have a child with autism, then you know that life is NOT like a rollercoaster ride. It's more like hanging upside down on a triple corkscrew that makes sudden and surprising stops in shark infested waters, beautiful rolling hills and bustling cities. I found these to be very helpful.

I just have to remind myself daily that God has given Baileyanne to us, not any other family. He trusts US and know that WE will do the work HE has called us to do.

As a parent, a good day in the world of autism might look something like this:Your daughter wakes up in the morning and happily gets dressed. She agreeably puts on her shoes and instead of fixating on the entrance picture, she plays with her sibling while she waits for the bus. Not only does she say goodbye, she gives you a quick wave as the bus pulls away. On her return from school her communication notebook has glowing reports. She socialized with a friend, was compliant and did NOT have a meltdown when free time was over. Like every day, you ask her what she did at school. Not expecting a response you almost fall on the floor when she tells you she climbed on the monkey bars at recess.And you think to yourself....My child is going to be fine. Sure, she has her struggles but one day she will find a niche for herself in this world. I mean look at her. She's playing with her sibling and even developing social interest with her peers. Her language has increased dramatically and her communication progresses all the time. You can't help but love her. I'm sure she will always have close relationships in her life. Perhaps she'll even get married. She is so smart that I know she'll find a job she enjoys. OK, she might need some job assistance but I'm sure it can be worked out. Even if she's not completely independent, we'll find the perfect setting where she will be happy, have a few friends and get all the support she needs.

But what about the bad days? These are the days when things don't run smoothly. The days where you want to curl up into a ball and hide in a safe place where no one will find you. As a parent, a bad day in the world of autism might look something like this…Your daughter wakes up and not only does she refuse to get dressed, she refuses to brush her teeth too. You calmly lead her to the bathroom while she kicks, screams and lashes out at everything in her path. At breakfast she dumps her juice into her cereal and then pushes her bowl onto the floor, splattering food everywhere. When the bus arrives, she has a screaming fit and you practically have to drag her to the bus. On her return from school, her communication notebook recounts a bad day with three major meltdowns. In addition she refused to write and kept throwing her pen on the floor. To top it off, the teacher has taken this opportunity to express her recent concerns over your daughter's lack of comprehension and social language. You don't get to finish reading the communication notes because your daughter is hitting her sibling for no apparent reason and you have to intervene.And you think to yourself…How is my child ever going to cope in this world? She can't express her needs never mind have a conversation. She has a meltdown over the smallest thing and struggles to regain her composure. Her language isn't improving fast enough and her communication skills are way behind. She is light years behind her peers and her behavior is getting worse. What's going to happen to her when she grows up? There is no way could that she be independent or hold down a job. Her comprehension simply isn't good enough. What if I'm not around? Who will take care of her? How will she cope?

What do you do about these bad days?

1. Forgive Yourself: When your child has autism, your life is not simple. You're allowed to have bad days. You're allowed to be depressed. You're allowed to feel mad. You're allowed to run out of patience. You wouldn't be human if you didn't. Know in your heart that this day does NOT determine your child's future and say to yourself "Today I will feel gloomy because I choose to. Tomorrow is a new day".

2. Shoe box Reminders: Keep a shoe box and pack of index cards in the kitchen or living room. Every time your child does something that makes you smile or if your child demonstrates a new skill, make a quick note and drop it in your shoe box. Your notes could look something like this "Sarah tried green beans – 9/23/07" and "Sarah behaved beautifully when she got her hair cut today – 9/30/07" and "Sarah made me laugh. I told her I'm so hungry I could eat a horse and she started to cry because she didn't want horse for dinner – 10/4/07". When a bad day hits, sit down with a cup of coffee and read all the notes in your box. You will laugh, you will cry and I guarantee you will feel a lot better!

4. Change your perspective: People with autism are not out to make your life difficult. They're struggling to cope in a very confusing world. We can't even begin to comprehend the challenges of this population. It's wonderful when a typical child concentrates in class but it's nowhere near the achievement of when a child with autism concentrates in class. It takes at least twice the amount of effort for the spectrum child who should be applauded and appreciated. Sometimes when a child is learning a new skill, it requires so much energy they just "can't keep it together" for the rest of the day. Increasing the use of visual or written schedules and giving ample warning before transitions will help the child feel more organized. The child could also be struggling with an event that's taken place at school or home. If your child is able to express herself, probe as much as you can. If your child's behavior doesn't improve within a few days, call the school staff or the parents and work together.

5. Take a break: In order to recharge your batteries, you need to take a break. Many people say "How could I possibly take a break? Nobody else can take care of my child!" My answer to this is "Treat it like an emergency". You would have to take care of the emergency and leave somebody else to take care of your child. This could be your family, your friend or a babysitter and while they might not do as good a job, I'm sure your child will get through it. J Let's take a minute to define a break. A BREAK does NOT mean doing all your regular chores, doing homework with your child, making dinner, cleaning up, bathing your child and putting your child to bed. By this time, you're totally exhausted but you take a "BREAK" by meeting a friend for coffee. NO, a BREAK means ABSTAINING from your regular chores! It means going out of your house and letting somebody else take care of the rest. Think about it for a second. What is really going to happen if your child doesn't eat a balanced meal one night? Or watches too many videos? Or doesn't do homework? It's not going to affect your child's final outcome but it's going to do wonders for your spirit. By taking care of yourself you teach your children to do the same. So pick up the phone and call your family, friends or a babysitter!

6. Advocating for your child: There is no doubt about it; you are your child's best advocate. When you are feeling optimistic, you will root for your child all the way. You know what your child needs and you ask for it. However if you are feeling doubtful, you will wonder if others might be correct in their assumptions about your child. This can affect your attitude and your decisions. If you're having a few bad days and have any meetings regarding your child, do whatever you can to reschedule them. These meetings include meetings with school teachers and staff, meetings to discuss your child's IEP and meetings regarding your child's therapy program. If you are unable to reschedule the meetings, speak less at the meeting than you typically would and ask for a few days to think about any recommendations that come up.

7. Venting Victory: When we're upset about something, we like to tell someone. We call our friends and our family and we vent. We "blab" it all out, knowing they'll listen and understand. Because our loved ones care, they want to make us feel better. So what do they do? They commiserate. They tell us we're right. They sympathize. They empathize. Its one thing if you're venting about your boss but quite another when you're venting about your child. Although it's done with the best of intentions, when your friend sympathizes that your child isn't learning fast enough, it backfires, leaving you feeling ten times worse. Now I'm not suggesting that you don't vent. I'm suggesting that you "manage" your vent. Let everyone know ahead of time that if you call to vent about your anxiety regarding your child, they should listen to your woes. It's totally OK for them to sympathize that you're having a bad day and feeling down.

We all have our days. However, ask them to remind you of all the good points about your child. Qualities and skills they've observed or things you've pointed out in the past. Let them tell you again and again if necessary and point out all those things your child does that brings a smile to your face. The trick is to inform people ahead of time. When you're having a good day (hopefully today) pick up the phone and let everyone know how much they will help you by doing this. Raising a child with autism is not an easy task. Take comfort that you are not alone. There are many that share your challenges and complexities of life.

Our Journey

2008-08-05T14:32:00.000-07:00

Our Journey.

Abide with me, as I journey

Take my hand, I dare not walk alone.
Lean on me, when life gets weary, I will help you, 'til we're grown.

Sometimes I won't know your sorrow, you may not always see my tears, if you stumble on your journey, I will lift you... calm your fears.
One day we will know the answer to that searching question....Why?
Yet for now, we'll walk together hand in hand, as life goes by.

Our pathway is not lined with rosesbut there is magic in a smile, this road we travel may be lonely but there are rainbows once in a while.
Help me as I climb my mountain, in the valley.

I have grown put your weary hand in my hand, we cannot, dare not, walk alone.

(an excerpt from the book One More Blessing, the story of a
small boy and his struggle with autism)

c. Sally Meyer 1996

My Name is Autism

2008-08-05T14:26:00.000-07:00

I thought this to be very educational

Hello... my name is Autism

Hello. Allow me to introduce myself to you. My name is Autism. Perhaps you know me or know of me. I am a condition, a "disorder" that affects many people. I strike at will, when and where I want. Unlike Downs Syndrome or other birth "defects," I leave no marks on those I strike. In fact, I pride myself on the ability to infiltrate a childs life, while leaving him or her strikingly handsome. Many people may not even know that I am there. They blame the child for what I cause him or her to do.

I am Autism and I do as I please. I am Autism. I strike boys and girls, infants and toddlers. I find my best victims to be boys around the age of 2, but any child will do. I like children and they are always the true victims, though I take hostage the others in the child's family as well. It is a bit like getting two for the price of one. I affect one child and infect the entire family.

I am Autism. I strike rich and poor alike. The rich combat me with education and therapy. The poor shut their children away and cannot afford to fight me. I am able to win in the lives of poor children more than I am of the wealthy, but I will try to take root anywhere. I am Autism. I am an equal oppportunity disorder.

I like whites, blacks, Mexicans, Ukrainians, Russians, Poles, Slavs, Jappanese, Koreans and Fins. In fact, I strike everywhere on earth. I know no goegraphical bounds.

I am Autism. I do not discriminate based upon religon either. I strike Jews and Christians, Muslims and Buddhists, Atheists and Agnostics, Hindus and Rastafarians. I do not care what religon a person is or what beliefs he may hold. When I strike, there will be little time for any of that anyway. When they find me, they will question everything the believe in, so why would I strike any one group? I have affected followers of every religion on the planet. I am Autism and I am strong and getting stronger every year, every month, every day, every minute, and every second. I am concerned that money might be alloted to combat me and my takover of children, but so far I have little to fear. Some countries, like Kuwait, are spending quite a bit of money to assist those who I have targeted and some, like the United States, would rather spend money on such ludicrous things as discovering the number of American Indians who practice voodoo, as opposed to combating me. In an atmosphere as that, I can flourish and wreck havoc at will. In places such as that, I rub my hands with glee at the problem I can cause to children, families and to the society at large.

I am Autism. When I come, I come to stay. I take the dreams and hopes of every parent and trample them with glee. I see the fear and confusion in the eyes of my victims and I see the formation of wrinkles, worries and ulcers and the pain on the face of their parents. I see the embarrassment their child causes because of me and the parents unsuccessfull attempt to hide their child and, me. I see tears and the parents cry and feel the tears of their child. I am Autism. I leave sorrow in my wake. I am Autism. I taketh and give nothing but bewilderment and loathing in return. I take speech and learning, I take socialization and understanding. I take away "common sense" and if I am allowed to flourish, I take away all but their physical life. What I leave behind, is almost worse than death.

I am Autism. I fear nothing except courage, which I thankfully see little of. I fear those who take a stand against me and attempt to fight me and bring others into the fight as well. I fear those who try to make it safe and easier for my victims in the community, and their families. I fear those who push ahead, despite the fact that I am in tow. I fear the day that I will be eradicated from the planet. Yet, I do not fear too much right now. There is no need.

I am Autism and I bet you know me or know of me. If you don't, you probably will soon. I am marching forward faster than I ever have before. I am looking for new children all the time. I dread the day I will be looked on with pity, or worse yet, understanding, for that day, is the day I will begin to die. But, I don't think that will happen for a long long time though, do you? In the meantime, I prowl onward, looking to cause pain and suffering wherever I go. I have so much work to do and thankfully, no one is stopping me.

Hello my name is Austim. Perhaps you know me or know of me.................................

My Baby Boy

2008-08-05T14:11:00.000-07:00

I am torn.... Noah starts school next week. BIG BOY school. For the past two years, he has attended Asbury preschool which has been SO great for him. He has grown emotionally and academically and has grown into this sweet little boy that loves Jesus that I want to shelter until he is 21! He has never hit anyone and doesn't call names, etc. He is just the perfect little kid (well, most of the time) Union schools have changed their 4 year old program from half day to FULL day which means that Noah will be at the same school as Baileyanne from 8:55 to 3:25. I love the idea that he will be at the same school as his sister and carpooling will be great BUT he will be at school ALL day EVERYDAY. I am torn. Part of me loves the idea though most of me (the other part) wants him to stay at Asbury (where I will be teaching kids his age this fall) another year. I told my boss that two weeks after school starts, I am going to be at her feet begging her to take Noah back. (Asbury is hard to get into) I guess that I am worried about what other people think. I just don't know if I have a total peace about sending him yet. please pray that I make the right decision.

Blue

2008-08-05T14:05:00.000-07:00

Noah picked out some new popcicles at the store recently and I normally don't allow him to get the ones that are so bright and so expensive though we don't have anything important (like pictures) this week so I told him it was okay.... just this time. He LOVES blue... can't you tell? I thought these were cute because his eyes matched his shirt which matched his tongue. what a mess! I love that boy!

A Big Success!

2008-08-04T09:42:00.000-07:00

This past weekend we threw a big Luau for my parent's 40th Anniversary. We had been planning since March so we were good and ready by Saturday night. I am SO glad we are done! We had a GREAT time though I am EXHAUSTED! I told Dan that I felt like a train had hit me Saturday night after everyone had left. It was a surprise party though we did tell my dad because we were afraid that he would have taken my mom on a trip or something the week of their anniversary. We had about 30 people indoors here at the house. I am glad that we didn't have more because it was 105 this past weekend and nobody would have wanted to sit outside in the heat. Sunday morning we went to my folks house for a big brunch that my dad planned. that was also a surprise to my mom. There were about 60 people there that day. Again, I am glad that things are over. Now we can concentrate on school starting NEXT week! where has the summer gone?!? When my folks got here the night of the party, someone yelled that they were here so everyone got in their places and got ready to surprise them as they walked in the door. Well, when they yelled to get in their places, Noah RAN down the hall and hit the wall straight on! OUCH! he started screaming (this was 2 seconds before my folks knocked on the door) so I ran him into the back room (hence I did NOT get to see my mom's face when they entered) oh well, she was surprised and had a great time. people flew in from all over the country, people that my mom has not seen since high school and has kept in touch with. It was quite a surprise!

10 more days and school starts!!! The kids and I have been counting down on the calendar. Baileyanne is ready to go back! About 3 weeks ago Grandpa and Grandma took the kids to Walmart and bought them new lunch boxes. well, she thought that it was time to go to school. So when she got home from Walmart, she went into her room, picked out her dress and sandals and even a matching hairbow and put them out like she was going to school the next day. I felt bad because she thought that it was time to go to school.... I kept telling her that she would have to wait a few more weeks.

Bailey's new do

2008-07-28T06:12:00.000-07:00

Baileyanne got a new haircut about two weeks ago... not too sure I am crazy about it. It is a lot shorter than we normally go so it has taken some getting used to. she loves it and I have gotten many compliments on it though I think I am partial to it because my baby is growing up! I am sad. she just turned 7... does that sound old? six sounds old... though 7!?! she has lost God knows how many teeth (I have lost count) and she will be in 2nd grade in two weeks.... my little girl is not so little anymore. when I was tucking her in last night, she asked me to sing her a song. I asked her if I could sing, "you are my sunshine" and she answered me, " that was my baby song" I sung it anyway. She is now jumping in the pool and going under water and coming up by herself... it has taken us a long time to get there... I am so proud of her! as much as I hate to say this... she is definitely still her daddy's girl.

Daddy's Helper

2008-07-26T09:59:00.001-07:00

Every Saturday, Dan mows his mom's yard, my parent's yard, and our yard. My dad bought (he had to work it off) him a riding lawn mower last year and he has put it to good use! He also mows the lady across the street and our neighbor's yard... he loves the mower and his love language has always been acts of service... anyway, Noah has started going with him and LOVES to be his special helper.

Splash Pad

2008-07-25T15:17:00.000-07:00

This week, we went over to Hunter Park and played in the splash pad. I love it because it's free. The kids love it because they can run around and get wet! It is always nice because I can sit under a shady tree and relax (well, kind of) It wasn't that crowded. It is so darn hot right now! With the heat index, we got up to 110 yesterday! with the humdity, that is HOT!

Before and After... NEVER AGAIN!

2008-07-24T15:28:00.000-07:00

Don't know what I was doing and I will NEVER do it again, though I thought that I would save a little bit of money this year and make the kid's birthday cake... 3 hours later, Mickey Mouse was done! Too bad half of it wasn't eaten... nobody wanted black frosting... oh well, the kids LOVED it! When I was done with it, I told Noah, "If you touch it, I will beat your hiney" so when it came time at the party to eat cake, Noah told his friends, " If you touch the cake, my mommy will beat your hiney" I got some strange looks from the parents.

Family Picture

2008-07-24T14:14:00.000-07:00

Even though we are all dripping in sweat.... this may be the only family picture taken this year! It was taken by my neighbor on the 4th of July. We started at our church (First Baptist in Broken Arrow) and then ended up at our old church (Liberty) that night. We had a great time and were able to see some old friends that we haven't seen in months. Don't be surprised if this ends up as our Christmas Card pic this year!

Dollar Store Goggles

2008-07-23T16:40:00.000-07:00

Can I just tell you... The Dollar Tree is our new best friend! The kids picked out these cool googles there and I was sure they would break the minute we got in the car.... well, they have lasted us 2 months so far! Baileyanne has even learned how to go under water and hold her nose for a good amount of time! I am so proud of her! Eight weeks ago she didn't even want to get in the water!

A Dream Come True...

2008-07-23T14:18:00.001-07:00

We were SO thankful for God's provision while away on our trip to Disney. Prayers were answered and dreams come true... we were given the opportunity and blessing of using a Special Assistance Pass for Baileyanne. If you aren't familiar with a SAP pass, it is a pass you can obtain if you have a child with special needs or who is disabled and is not able to wait in lines for a long period of time... anyway, we went first thing to Town Hall and requested a pass for Baileyanne. I was a little nervous that we wouldn't be able to get one because Baileyanne looks so normal.... accept when she is stemming. The lady asked why we needed one and we introduced her to our daughter. Baileyanne looked up at her and just smiled. The lady asked how many were in our party and we proceeded on our way... WOW, that was easy! I was SO worried that, for what, I don't know. I had a written prescription from our doctor and everything waiting in my pocket. we had rehearsed what we were going to tell them if they gave us any trouble, etc. It was that easy! God is good! anyway...
Bailey's wish was to see Cinderella and get a hug from her. That was all she talked about on the way there and for the three months prior to our trip. God answered prayer in the most perfect setting. We were walking in the park and saw the location where you meet each princess individually.... we didn't know that this was where you met the princesses. we asked the employee what was going on and why there were so many people waiting in line (our guess was about 250) He told us this was the line to meet the princesses. We showed him our pass for Baileyanne and he took us to the FRONT of the line! we were the FIRST person that morning to see and take pictures with Cinderella. It was hard to hold the tears back. Baileyanne was in heaven. she LOVED Cinderella and Grandpa bought her a new Cinderella dress. What a blessing! I think that was the best part of our trip... thank you God for Baileyanne and for Cinderella.

It takes a lot to get me mad...

2008-07-22T14:26:00.000-07:00

Outraged is more like it.... click on the link below and let me know how this makes you feel! Being a parent of an Autistic child, my emotions are full swing when it comes to people and their comments!

http://autism-pdd.net/wpblog/?p=6

To Infinity and Beyond!

2008-07-22T12:49:00.000-07:00

Back in November, we were sitting at Grandpa's house and Grandpa told Noah that he would take him anywhere he wanted to go if he pooped on the potty.... well, we got to go to Disneyland in May! (I am just now getting photos printed... call me pathetic) We had the best time! We stayed at the Disneyland hotel and spent the whole week with family. I can't remember a vacation that we actually enjoyed up until now. The kids are finally at the age where they can do things by themselves.... praise God! Anyway.... Noah LOVES Buzz Lightyear and that was pretty much the highlight of our trip, that and meeting Cinderella (that is another post in itself) I have a great picture of Noah and Buzzlightyear though I can't figure out how to turn it. It is upside down. Does anyone know how to rotate photos on here??? let me know! I can't tell you how many Buzz Lightyear souvenirs we ended up bringing home! He was in Buzz Heaven. One word to the wise: (which apparently is not me).... don't tell your children that you are going to Disneyland four months before you go! you get the picture!

What am I doing?!?

2008-07-20T18:29:00.000-07:00

What am I doing?!?!?!? I am conforming to the 21st Century and joining the blogging world... call me a conformist, that's okay! now don't get too excited, I won't be doing this everyday like some people I know! be patient as I figure this all out....